3rd World Living

The Prototype made the observation recently that living in the UK is like living in a 3rd world country, except that the land has been brushed with modernity. I think, after living here for about five months, that there’s a grain of truth there. The only thing they appear to do really well here is finance and everything else is half-assed at best. Of course, what I’m really talking about is telecommunications.

The phone industry here is rolling in cash. Unlike the US (or mainland Europe, I’m told), the Brits charge you for everything except incoming calls. Not only that, it’s bloody expensive. For example, if I’m calling the Prototype, I’m paying through the nose on a per minute basis because she has Vodafone and I have Virgin. It’s essentially just as expensive to call her as it is for me to use my mobile to call the US. Cross network charges kill you.

But, there’s a whole ‘nuther issue as well. Calling land lines (BT) is equally expensive. Which mean, when the Prototype moves into her new flat and has a landline, it still will be very expensive for me to call her. Now, she could call me from her soon to be landline, but it isn’t like the US where you can pay a flat rate of like $12 a month and get unlimited local calling. Instead, she’ll get charged on a per minute basis as well.

Why am I griping about this? Because the other night I topped up my phone with £5 expecting that would be enough for us to talk for an hour. Not so lucky am I. Once again, our conversation was cut off prematurely. This is a serious problem because if you’re trying to have a proper relationship with someone and you’re a student with low cash reserves, you can’t afford to sit around and chat all night – no matter how much you both want to. What I truly don’t understand is why the consumer base doesn’t object strenuously to these charges. For some reason, the costs in the US have been spiraling downward but I don’t see a concurrent price drop in the UK. Perhaps it’s because the US is a larger market and the economy of scale means that they can lower the price for all while still improving profits. But also, it could just be that people here basically pay what they’re asked to pay. As far as I can tell, there isn’t a ton of network switching like there is in the US. I don’t know a single person who has switched from their first network, and while it may happen, it doesn’t seem to be rampant like it is in the US. This is especially true with landlines where it appears that BT has a virtual monopoly.

This little diatribe really just touches on the bigger picture that is the UK. This nation is bass-ackwards when it comes to the modern conveniences of the free world. Customer service is notoriously horrible, shelves are frequently half-empty, and they have a bizarre commitment to dual water faucets – one side hot, the other cold. Here’s an example: Recently, my friend Justin told me this story about how he needed new black laces for his dress shoes. He went to store after store and couldn’t find them anywhere and was finally told that there was a nationwide shortage of black laces. The merchant instructed him to find an independent cobbler because all the major chains were of no use. That’s what he did, and after some searching, was able to secure a replacement pair. Now, just last week I went into the shoe store and purchased a nice pair of Ecco’s. The saleswoman asked if I wanted an extra pair of laces, and remembering Justin’s story, I said yes. Guess what? No spare black laces. Sure, they had brown and other assorted colors, but no black. Isn’t it a strong indict of a country’s economy if they can’t remain stocked up with something as simple as black shoelaces?

What I don’t understand is how the UK got to this point. Really, you have a lovely country, with wonderful people even if they do drink and smoke too much. London is a flagship for the free world, just as Washington, DC, New York, Paris, Rome, and Tokyo are. Just as it is completely absurd that you can walk 1 block from the White House in DC and find any drug that is currently sold on the black market, it’s equally objectionable that the UK can’t perform simple tasks like keeping the shelves stocked with products so that greedy capitalists like myself can get my grubby paws on those goods. I don’t think I’m asking for the world here.

As I continue on this adventure, I will have to pay special attention to find other examples of this anomaly. At some point, I’ll revisit this issue, but for now, just know that I’m fed up with paying exorbitant fees just to talk to the girl that has so captivated my attention.

Of course, the latest development suggests that I don’t have to worry about the phone anymore. What am I referring to? To make things simple, on Saturday, the Prototype is moving to Earl’s Court – 3 streets away from me to be exact. Yes – you can say I’m Fing ecstatic about that one. I got to see her last night after she signed the lease and it was great. But not only that, she told me that even if she doesn’t get the job she wants, she’s staying here until her visa runs out – which, coincidentally happens to be the same date at my visa. Ok – I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but things seem to be falling into place right now and it’s hard not to feel like a million pounds about that.

On a final note, please don’t interpret my comments about the UK to be indicative of a disdain or distaste for this country. I love this country and I adore its people. I was out with one of my work mates tonight (free wine!) and it was a great time. That being said, just like the US, this country has seriously deep problems that need to be addressed. Tomorrow, I will write my manifesto to Tony Blair, something that I’m actually thinking of mailing him because I think he needs to hear it. At any rate, the UK is fantastic, filled with wonderful people, and even with all its troubles, I still adore this country.