Super Bowl Recap

Well, after the first quarter, I thought last night's Super Bowl was going to be one of the best all time. I mean, it started with a bang, went back and forth for an entire quarter, and was legitimately exciting. But things went from great to good to bad to worse in about 2 minutes 12 seconds and now is likely to be remembered as one of the dullest Super Bowls of the new millennium.

At any rate, congrats to the Indianapolis Colts for making me as good a predictor as Peter King (although the Don of all bad predictions nailed last night's game, as did every other sportswriter in the known world...). I have to say, I thought that the Colts just played a whole lot better than the Bears, especially at the line of scrimmage. The Bears just had no way of stopping Jeff Saturday and the Colts run game and that doomed them (I'm going to go punch myself in the head repeatedly for the next hour now). Congrats America, we now have the least favorable Super Bowl champs of the decade!

Second of all, before the Peyton Manning fan club starts sucking each others Popsicles, let's just put that whole MVP award in a closet somewhere. The Colts won because they controlled the line of scrimmage and Joseph Addai had a very nice game of 150+ yards. Manning got the MVP because of two things: 1. He's Manning and, 2. there was no other clear stats victor. I say "stats victor" because Addai didn't score and looked only average in the run category. Blame the Colts system for that (they split the RB job between two guys), but Addai was the MVP in my book. Take him out of that game and the Colts aren't wearing down the Bears defense with long drives and I don't think they're winning.

Third, I think the Bears offensive coordinator either needs a stiff talking to or should be outright fired. You've got a young, inexperienced QB facing a stiff pass rush IN THE SUPER BOWL and you don't have any check down routes on any plays in the first 3 quarters? WTF? That should go in the HOF for WTFery. I found the Bears offensive game plan outright remorseful. Nothing like giving the other guys the Vince Lombardi trophy, now is there?

Also, good thing God's on the Colts side. That must mean he hates the Bears, huh?

(See Irsay, Jim for more on this. The Colts owner had the audacity to credit God for the championship which I find to be disingenuous for at least 5 reasons:

1. Like God gives a damn about football when we got a damn conflagration of death exploding in the Middle East, not to mention the Sudan.
2. Like God is really going to get out there and give a little something extra to one team over the other.
3. Praising God discredits the hard work of the winning players. They might be men of faith, but faith alone isn't going to get your a Super Bowl victory. Hard work is. And I'd say there's plenty of evidence to suggest that faith isn't required to win a Super Bowl.
4. It's disrespectful to the other team. By implication, divine intervention in one team's cause relatively deprives the other of similar gains. Thus, God plays favorites with his children. I thought the bible suggests he only does that with his angels...
5. Why can't football just be a game? Why does God have to be a part of every public utterance around a football, baseball, or basketball game? Look, I get it. God digs sports. But I don't get the sense that he's much of a partisan gambler or anything, so please, just shut the f*ck up already.

*Aside, I have no problem with someone saying the following, "Well, it's been a tough year or so, but with God's help, we've been able to get through it, keep focused and work hard. So the fact that we were able overcome those obstacles and win the Super Bowl is a testament to our faith.")

The Super Bowl ads totally sucked. In fact, they're getting worse. I was particularly unimpressed by the "funny" ads that were not terribly amusing and caused no more than a brief smile. I'm not sure what's going on here. Either Super Bowl ads are getting less funny or mainstream America's sense of humor is getting worse. Peter King found the lions in the field ad "brilliant" whereas I found it mildly interesting as it did slightly raise the corners of my lips.

Plus, did you know that the Super Bowl was the first to have two black head coaches? I don't know how I missed that one. Good thing Coca-Cola was there to remind me.

(Aside #2: I'm not sure if it's my general inclination that America is way too preoccupied with race or if there was more to this story. Maybe football really is an old white man's game and maybe there is something huge about breaking the color barrier, but I just didn't feel that to be the case. To me, it just seemed like "the story" the media decided to roll with. A lot of spin, not much substance from what I read.

I also think that America's preoccupation with race just needs to die a slow death. I'm not generally in favor of things that actively divide our country, especially when those things are relatively minor compared to the vast racial, sexual, and religious discrimination that is still present across the globe, not to mention the deep problems of abject poverty and the violence that it breeds.)

At any rate, I would have to conclude that the Super Bowl experience for non-partisan football fans has much worsened in the last 12 months. We had a relatively mediocre champion (worst run defense of all time), with hyperventilating evangelicals accepting the trophy, a completely unlikeable MVP, no advertisements with any humor value or cultural significance, and 12 months of continuous reminders that yeah, the Colts actually won the Super Bowl. I think I'm going to continuously induce vomiting until I pass out in a puddle of my own piddle.