The Talk

There's this phenomena that often occurs between two people that are dating that I have previously referred to as "the talk". Many times in the last year (mostly involving Real World), I have had to ask, "have you had the talk yet?" For some reason, when people are just starting to date, there needs to be an official and formal agreement between the two parties that marks the progression from "just dating" to "a couple". There are many stages of development between two people. I've heard it described as this type of progression: Going Out, Seeing Each Other, Dating, A Couple, etc. Going Out could refer to simply one or two dates - certainly nothing serious. Seeing Each Other is a step advanced, but not yet serious enough that the two people will not see anyone else. They're still free to see whoever they want, but there is some implicit understanding or connection between the two parties that they are more than just normal. My personal theory is that people who are "Seeing Each Other" either don't really like each other past the physical part or are too chicken to move to a more serious stage. That stage is "A Couple" - boy/girl/animal/inanimate object/what have you-friend.

Anyway, I think these various levels are all sorts of silly. In life, if you really like someone, you go after them like the hunter pursues the deer. You don't attempt to position yourself in some intermediary role or any silliness like that primarily because all pursuits of excellence should be genuine efforts and relationships are no exception. I, of course, have had to engage in such silliness in the past for reasons that were not entirely my own and that I did not fully appreciate at the time, but now, with greater perspective and experience, am fully cognizant of how fruitless that whole system really is.

The point I'm trying to get at is that Ms. Colombia and I effortlessly transitioned from a couple dates to a full on couple in no time at all with really little discussion. We didn't have "the talk". Frankly the whole "talk" thing sounds ominous, foreboding, and way too serious. Dating, or establishing a legitimate connection, should be something that naturally develops between two people. It is when the attempt is forced that one finds themselves intertwined in silly games of position and strategy. Thankfully, I have not had to do that with Ms. Colombia. For whatever reason, our ability to connect and grow has happened naturally and without planning or thought. Perhaps it's because she's genuine and honest and compassionate in ways that many women are either not or are too afraid to demonstrate. No matter the reason, I have a rare level of comfort with her and it's obvious. As I said previously, I have no idea how far this will go, but I'm going to pursue her relentlessly because I know with certainty how rare it is for me to feel like this about anyone and I'm not too dense to let a genuine opportunity to slip through my fingers.

Anyway, Smooth Like Butta' is leaving London on Monday. We went out with him and Real World and her Polish friend last night. It was fun. Of course, I have a bit of a cold which is taxing, but I enjoyed myself. Real World finally got to meet Ms. Colombia. She was surprised yet pleased. We didn't get much time to talk about it so I don't know if she was surprised with how Ms. Colombia looks or how we interacted. Later, Real World pulled the prototypical insecurity action. Smooth Like Butta' and the Polish Girl were clearly going to get it on and were involved in conversation. Ms. Colombia and I were obviously very couplish. Real World felt out of place. She was the only one "without someone". So, she just up and left at one point. She eventually came back, but it was yet another sad moment in my friendship with her. She has a complete inability to be genuinely happy for anyone else unless she is also genuinely happy. It's really too bad. I've said a lot of harsh things about her before but really, when it comes down to it, I have great compassion for her because all things being even, she struggles with happiness more than anyone I've ever met and it's quite sad.

We're all going out with Smooth Like Butta' tonight as well, so I'll try to be more sympathetic to Real World's condition. I'm probably not going to drink tonight either (the cold), so I'll be a bit more on the ball in terms of being sensitive to her insecurity and frustration with her always single life. Of course, knowing her as I do, she'll probably show up with an ex-boyfriend and act like she's in love with him. She's nothing if not incredibly transparent and predictable.

Still no job. I've been making the calls and sending out the CV's, but temp firms just work slower in this country. I need employment soon.