Thursday, February 02, 2006

I hate Groundhog Day

My reaction to hearing that a furry rodent had seen his shadow and thus winter was likely to continue for another 6 weeks was, "Someone get me a shotgun and I'll solve that real quick."

Seriously, what would we do if Poxatawny Fill didn't see his shadow, but instead saw a pool of blood and gore where his head used to be? Oh, the humanity. Soccer moms everywhere would be at a loss of how to proceed and there would be a sudden outbreak of soccer mom road rage.

I really don't know how America came to this point where we all collectively turn to a F'ing rodent to cheer us up in the dead of winter. According to legend, either that overgrown rat sees a shadow or he doesn't - which means, either we get an early Spring or we don't. Legend. It's not like the little hairball is really going to predict anything more than tract marks on your front lawn. But really, if you were going to create an ass-tastic tradition to provide a needed wintery diversion, wouldn't you create one that had better than 50% odds of making America collectively swallow another bottle of valium to dull the pain of 6 more weeks of cloudy, gray, cold, and crapilicious weather? Why not "Buxom Blondes do long division" or "Can the lion maul and eat the antelope?" Anything but rodents would do.

I f*cking hate Groundhog day. I hate the entire idea that we should all swallow our common sense for 1 day a year because someone, somewhere thinks groundhogs are cute. I got news for you, you seeker of amorous rodent delights, wherever the f*ck you are, groundhogs ain't cute. Their little furballs of overgrown sh*t that tear up your yard, are insanely difficult to poison, and don't taste very good in soup. If you're an animal and you're not either: cute, useful, or tasty, then what the fcuk is your point?

Anyway, here's a site about the stupid sh*t people in New York say. Pretty funny.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aren't you thinking of moles?

7:36 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

hah!

12:18 AM  
Blogger SJH said...

groundhogs, moles, whatever. lets just collectively rename them:

roadkill or targets or furry little bloody stumps.

7:49 AM  

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