Amusing myself

I will confess something here: I read my horoscope almost every day. No, it's not because I have a new found belief in "new age" mysticism (what exactly is "new" about this brand of spirituality?). Instead, it's because I find them to be singularly humorous. Follow me for a second if you will.

IF you actually believed in horoscopes, then wouldn't it seem odd that millions (billions) of people sharing the birthday's between March 21 and April 19 shared exactly the same fortune? Of course that's absurd. But, the argument is that it's never going to be entirely accurate unless you get a personal reading. Different birthdays, different times of birth effect your astrological disposition or some such noise. For example, I'm Stephen, born March 24th, at 5 pm (just in time for cocktails), with a cigar in hand. (I can not verify either the time or the cigar, but just go with it.) If my "star chart" (or whatever) was taken, those relevant details would enable the "psychic" to pinpoint my exact disposition and accurately foretell my future. Since a generic horoscope can't assume those details, they issue generic overtures in the hopes that they're sometimes close. So, by that logic, every now and then, your horoscope should be 100% accurate (raising the question: Is it better to be 100% right 1% of the time or 1% right 100% of the time?).

Exhibit A

Yesterday's horoscope (courtesy of Yahoo!):

"Ready for some serious romance? You'd better be -- and from an unexpected venue, too. Someone you've thought of as nothing but a friend for possibly even years is about to hint that they'd like to change that."

After reading that, I had to chuckle because I'm always ready for some "serious romance" and there's no one that I could think of that I would buy what they're selling. Next step, check email. Hmm. What's this? Email from someone I dated last February and haven't seen or thought about in about a year wanting to know when I'm coming back...

Exhibit B

Today's horoscope (courtesy of Yahoo!):

"You have a busy day ahead of you, mostly due to one particular person -- someone you see as a very exotic, special individual. Someone who just so happens to think of you the very same way. Well. Needless to say, with all that mutual admiration going on, you two certainly won't be bored."

I do have a busy day, but not necessarily because of a woman. But, I'll overlook that little detail and roll with the rest. I am seeing the Prototype tonight.

I rest my case, your Honor.

Of course, I can't say all of this without giving a little cultural comparison. Yahoo!, as many know, is an international site. So, if you click on the UK version, guess what? The horoscope is entirely different.

Exhibit A

Today's UK horoscope:

"You can't seem to relax when you're on your own so try to involve friends and loved-ones in your plans. Insist, however, on dividing shared expenses fairly otherwise your generosity could leave you strapped for cash later in the month. If setting off on a journey today, be sure to check timetables as there's the possibility that you haven't been informed of some changes."

This one is nothing even similar to reality, so now I'm at the horns of a dilemma. If you're in the UK, but from the US, does the US horoscope apply? Extraterritorial provisions should mean that I get extraterritorial application of said star chart, no? Because if I go with the UK version, I'm likely to have a stressful expensive day. But if I go with the US version, I'm likely to be involved in something more exotic and significant than the doldrums of budgeting.

Yes, I just spent 30 minutes thinking about this stuff, and if you got this far, you just spent some of your time reading about it. I win.