Too Much Information
I've decided that Real World is not an idiot, she's just in the wrong field. Or, less diplomatically, when it comes to International Relations or politics in general, she's a rank moron. But in other aspects of life, she's got some smarts. What led me to this conclusion? Well, I spent a good bit of time with her yesterday and she periodically said smart things which surprised me.
She asked me to go shopping with her in preparation of her hot date tonight (yes, I'm that guy - somebody please shoot me). As hilarious as it may sound to some that I could be a fashion critic to my friend, bear in mind that she's more fashion deficient than I am (go ahead and laugh that up). So I met her at Oxford Circus, which is a horrible place to go shopping, but she has yet to figure out that the Covent Garden area has all the same shops and is a hell of a lot busy. Anyway, after spending about an hour letting her make selections of garments to try on, I finally decided it was time to take charge of the situation.
Real World, you see, falls into the trap that captures many women. She sees an outfit on a model, in a magazine, or on another woman and she thinks, "that looks great, I should get that". The obvious problem with that type of thinking is that not all women can wear the same outfits. Instead, you have to wisely choose outfits that fit your figure - accentuate the positives, minimize the negatives - it's all about doing what you can with what you got. Keeping this in mind, I continually vetoed her selections because, frankly, they were unflattering. Finally, I designed a look for her (conservative skirt, button down white dress shirt to go with her boots and a necklace-earring combo deal). Only problem was, she just couldn't get over the mental issues involved and ultimately refused to buy anything. Par for the course.
At any rate, after a few hours of this, I was tiring and getting increasingly impatient. I'm happy to help, but when after 3 hours, you've discounted 90% of my advice, "decided" to get 3 different outfits only to discard them arbitrarily, well, I'm pretty much done. So we walked down to Chinatown and had some food. I had eaten earlier, so I only had some soup. She continually talked about her new man, which on the one hand is great, but on the other hand got a little old about the time she told me "he's so beautiful" for the 50th time. But, I know how new love is, so I didn't get too bothered.
Smooth Like Butta' called me at the end of our meal and we agreed to meet him at a pub near his house. He was in a jolly mood initially, but then mellowed out quite a bit. I was also in a somewhat dreary mood, so I'm sure it was the perfect atmosphere. Real World told SLB all about her new man (the 10th time I've heard the story - egads!). SLB always tries to push Real World's buttons because it's normally pretty easy and usually leads to hilarity, but this time she wasn't biting. Good on her.
At some point, the conversation turned to the Prototype (not at my behest - I've been trying to avoid any and all discussion of the issue) and this is where both Real World and SLB made some sense. Basically, and I felt like I knew this already, but basically they think that I allowed myself to get played and that the only way to make things work is for me to get the power back. Their advice: when/if she calls tonight as she stated she would, don't answer the phone. In fact, they suggested that I wait until tomorrow to call her and then apologize. Essentially, being at her beck and call just guarantees that I'm on the friend train and nothing more will come of it.
I only have one real response to that strategy and that's the issue of inevitability. I've given up any hope that we will hit it off in a romantic way. As great as I think that could be, it doesn't take a seer to read the tea leaves. So what shall I do? I'm not sure. On the one hand, a power play might be the right thing to do anyway. But on the other, I do enjoy her company even in a friends capacity, so maybe I should just answer her call. Of course, all of this presumes that she will call me in the first place, which is not a given. This girl is just dodgy like that, so if she doesn't call, then I think I'm done. Or, to put it another way, it's up to her to call me. I'm not going to be endlessly pursuing something that isn't returned, be it friendship or something more.
Today in class we watched the most disturbing video on the ongoing genocide in Darfur, Sudan. Shame on the world for not acting. If I was President, the US would be in there beating ass. Of course, as I was thinking this, I was ultimately distracted by the cute Turkish girl in my class. It makes for an unusual combination really. One part of my brain is focused on the bodies with blood and bullet holes while the other is scoping out the new girl in the program. That's called efficiency, yo.
posted by SJH at 11:44 AM
1 Comments:
She still has the power because you're thinking about it (and writing about it so much). Don't do a power play. Instead, do nothing. Wu Wei. Action by inaction. Be desireless, be excellent, and most importantly, be gone. I agree that if she calls, you shouldn't answer. Not only should you not answer, you most certainly SHOULD NOT apologize for anything and don't feel even a shred of guilt about it. By virture of the course of events you describe, you owe her nothing. This friendship does not exist at her convenience. You have lots of good people around you that aren't her to fill your time. She may be good people, but only selectively and at times of her choosing. When she flitters between wanting something and not, don't pander to that. Pander to yourself and what you deserve. Based on her treatment of you and the feeling that you got played (I don't necessarily agree with the notion that you got played, either, as you would have to show a lot less spine than you have to fall in that category, and she would've had to string you a long for a lot of free meals involving wine, etc.), I think you may have to give her a new codename. Given her constant vacillation and constant ignoring of your feelings and the emotional effect she has, I hardly think she's the prototype anymore.
Ergo, I have a few nickname suggestions. How about "red country." No, it's not a communist reference, I mean red country like the folks that elected President Bush, because they think of no one other than themselves, will dabble in the lives of others, not content to only exert control over their own lives (e.g., the anti-choice protestors of Roe v. Wade I saw marching outside my office the other day). Or maybe "the rover," both because her feelings rove around and in honor of Karl Rove, the architect of "four more years."
Or even better, how about "smoke and mirrors." That one kind of speaks for itself. I've also got some predictions, if she continues to repeat these sorts of actions, maybe in the future we can call her "the marriage of convenience (hers, that is)." Anyway, point being I'm more bitter on your behalf than you are, and you should be. I think if you forget about her for a while, and don't apologize for being incommunicado, she'll come chasing, if that's still what you want. It sounds like she wants, from you, all of the accoutrements of a relationship (the hand holding, the kisses, the mental affection and knowledge that you are always available for her) without offering any reciprocity. If she only puts a feather on her end of the scale and you put something more on yours, the tray will always tilt and spill the things on your end onto your lap, while the other side rises to the sky...
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