Back at it.

Monday. Sigh. Monday's would be so much better if I actually had some work to do or an interesting job. Some day I shall.

The rest of my weekend was pretty much drab at best. I was in a really terrible mood for most of Saturday but I snapped out of it around 7 or so. Mostly, I hadn't had much time to myself and I needed to work some things out. I spend a great deal of time pursuing relationships of significance with members of the opposite sex and it brings me down when things just don't work out (an all together too familiar reality). But, I came to a revelation, an epiphany if you will. I moved to this country in large part to reinvent myself through personal growth, education, and experience. That process is barely underway.

There have been at least two clear turning points for me here. The first was when I got here, the second sometime in October. But to suggest that the process is complete is facile. I have made much progress, but I have far to go. What am I referring to? Well, simply, engaging in an intense relationship (which seems to be the only way I can be for some reason) may not be the best thing for me. There are clear growth opportunities when you date, but I'm not convinced that's the right kind of growth for me at this juncture. Relationships involve a mixing of two personalities, dreams, goals etc. While my personality is pretty much stable, my dreams and goals in life are an evolving question and I feel strongly that I need to secure my own future prior to mixing that desired future with another. To ignore that is to ignore the most significant lesson in recent memory and I'm not so obtuse as to forget.

That being said, if the Prototype (or another) came to me today and wanted a relationship, I wouldn't turn it down. But my "ontological position", so to speak, is shifting. All relationships involve a level of mixing, sacrifice, and sharing to build a common future. I've certainly seen my share of that, as most people have. The danger, however, is that individuals lose too much of the self in the process - they are unsure where they end and another begins. That's unhealthy. The challenge, one that I realize is a personal challenge but may also be universal, is to find balance between our desires to bond with another and our desires to accomplish great things on our own. And I think that's all I want to say about that for the moment.

Anyway, on Sunday, the Argentine Tenor wanted to celebrate his birthday (yes, he threw a party for himself), so he had a barbecue at the house. Now, as I said before, I think his personality is defined by his singing career and not his nationality, but sometimes I question that assessment. Not knowing many Argentine's (as in, he's the only one I know), I can only imagine what the people are like there. But if he's any indication, it's no wonder the nation is an extremely minor player in the world, even with its vast potential.

Allow me to explain. For months all I've heard from him is how great Argentine food is, how delicious the barbecue is, et. al. ad naseum. So I expected the best yesterday. Of course, I was highly disappointed.

Being somewhat of a food snob (as in a total food snob), perhaps I was being unreasonable. But there were several incidents that really annoyed me and I'm used to a very high barbecue standard. First, when I asked what I should bring to the barbecue, he suggested pork ribs. They would only take "45 minutes" to cook on the grill. Now, I'm no genius, but I grew up and lived in the South long enough to know how ribs are done and there is no situation in which you can cook pork ribs for 45 minutes and have them done or done right. I argued with him a bit about that and he finally gave up. He also raved about his "special chicken", yet, when it was done, it was certainly not special. In fact, my lime-Cajun spiced chicken was clearly the best of the day, as it was gobbled up while his festered on the tray.

Further, in his personally assigned role of grill master, he absolutely ruined these thin steaks that someone brought. Now, I know some people like their meat well done, but flavor is found in the juices and boot leather style beef has no juice, thus no flavor. The other thing I noticed, and this is a familiar theme around these parts, is that the steaks were "marinated" yet seemed to contain no additional flavor. Even if the beef was leathery, I still expected the outside to retain some sort of flavor. No such luck. In my role of self-appointed food snob, I'm offended. Everyone from around the world likes to talk about how great their food is back home and I'm the type to believe them and eagerly learn how they do what they do. But universally, the South Americans and Europeans in my house never come through. In fact, the only people that do are the Asians (Indians, Thais, and especially the Malaysians). And yours truly, of course.

What I really don't understand, though, is that I know there is great food from these places. I've had it before and whether it's from South America or Europe, you can have an all time meal that satisfies both the tasty and delicious tests, as well as the piece de resistance, succulence. So I find it utterly shocking that people from those cultures, who I'm sure have enjoyed the finest that those cuisine's have to offer, can offer up paltry culinary options and try to pass them on as both tasty and delicious, not to mention succulent. I'm not so oblivious to my own meager offerings to ignore the fact that at times I make less than adequate food. All I'm asking for is a little honesty and a little less national pride.

And now I've stumbled on that which annoys me most about the Argentine: national pride. Everyone should have an appreciation of where they come from, the nation of origin. To me, that's just humanity. But excess nationalism is not only uncalled for, I find it also blinds people. Really, though, I'm just annoyed that the barbecue was average at best.

The other thing about the crowd at the house is that they're perversely exclusionary. Maybe I'm a party to that because it's important to me to have friends outside of the house while most of the crew there seems to only hang out together. So even though I do hang with them, they have a cliquish kind of bond that always leaves some of us on the outside. Now, this doesn't bother me too much because, well, you don't move to a foreign country and sit around your student house every night. I mean, the whole point is, you get out, see the culture, enjoy the city - even if you have limited funds. But this clique manifests itself in curious ways. For example, six people in this group got together and purchased the Tenor a birthday present. I was not asked. I certainly would have chipped in had I been asked. But I guess I'm just not part of the core.

Whatever, there's something else that bothers me as well. A lot of people have limited English skills when they come to this country. That's the norm. People move here because they can learn English (or learn better English), so I have no problem engaging them in "conversation", even if it is a pretty frustrating experience at times. But the Tenor is the worst. He's been here since August and he barely speaks English. It's not that his skills are limited, though, it's that he's done nothing to improve them and even having to speak English in the house, the shops, etc., he's shown next to no improvement. For example, last night I made a joke about him being an "oddity". Ten minutes later, after listing off a string synonyms, he finally understood. Ok, I'm just bitching because it ruined my joke.

At any rate, the weather has turned blustery again. In fact, I spend most of my time just trying to stay warm. The sun, however, has been brilliant and everywhere, which is quite delightful. But, the more I think about it, the more I realize how much I hate the cold.

Still wondering if there is going to be any actual work to do today...