Merry Christmas!

This isn’t certainly going to go down as one of the better Christmas’s that I’ve enjoyed, but it is interesting. Instead of being anti-social, which I had the thought of doing, I decided to get in line with the best thing going. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Last night, in the tradition that I’ve established, I cooked up a big meal for myself to enjoy. Lamb, potatoes, onions, garlic bread, and toffee squares. It was tasty, but failed the delicious and succulent tests because: a) I only bought a half leg of lamb which just doesn’t cook right, b) I forgot the carrots, c) I forgot the chicken stock, and d) I couldn’t find the fresh herbs I needed because both stores I went to were completely sold out of everything. Still, it was enjoyable and I have fairly good leftovers yet to consume.

After dinner, I played cards with the cheating Tenor until it was time to go to mass. The Tenor, being Catholic, came with as did my friend Justin. The mass was long and extremely uncomfortable – my back is not the forgiving type. There was lots of standing, sitting, kneeling, repeat. In fact, the only amusing thing about the whole experience was that one of the priests was quite literally Borat. And if you don’t know who Borat is, then you have not watched enough HBO. Because I have a complete inability to turn off my critical mind, I have classified two reasons why I think the Catholic Church is in crisis.

First, it’s entrenched in style over substance. By this I mean that the church has long been steeped in the tradition of ornamentation, ritual, and oddity. Ringing of bells, and excessive use of incense (I was almost overcome by the incense – and I’m not exaggerating). There is such a focus on things that are ultimately tangential to the whole message and experience that it ultimately turns me off from the process. Get to the point, is my sometimes attitude, and when a rail like seat is uncomfortably digging into my back, well, get to the Fing point.

The second criticism is directly related to the first – the message is lost. I’ve seen this at many a church, but for someone like me, it’s the homily that is important. Yet, the Church apparently has no interest in training priests to be good speakers, how to write a speech, or what the message should be about. Last night’s homily was absurd to the point that I almost wanted to say something to the priest about it, except I wouldn’t do that because he would have taken offense. Essentially, he spent about 15 minutes describing why Christmas was overly commercialized, about 1 minute extolling the necessity of preaching the “Christmas message”, and about 1 minute explaining the Christmas message. Not only was that entirely worthless, but he paused every four words as if he had something dramatic to say, when actually he was being overly simplistic to the point that only a simpleton could have come out of the church suggesting that it was a profound message. Not only that, at the end of the mass, he got up on the podium again and gave his five minute recruitment speech. AS IF, there was a chance I was going to return after that abomination that was these proceedings.

And this is always the problem with the Church. I can buy into most of the story – Mary giving birth to the son of God, the message, the crucifixion, etc. But if the people who study this stuff and are alleged experts can’t do something very simple like preach about what Christmas means and what we should take from that in our every day lives, then I’m sorry, I’m opting out of formalized religion. It’s ultimately a vast waste of time.

Now, something I can’t buy into that is implicit to the story (or at least the way the story was told last night) is the idea that Mary remained a virgin even after giving birth to Jesus. In fact, I have to question the entire nature of “virginity” which to me is a great oddity. This monolithic organization created and ruled by men that do not wed or “have relations” (with girls, at least) has this fixation on virginity as something pure, which I find truly bizarre and I don’t understand where it came from or why (although I have a theory involving syphilis). At any rate, biologically, a woman can’t give birth and still be a virgin – so I’m just never going to believe that, nor will I think it’s necessary to think of Mary as a virgin. Isn’t giving birth to the son of God enough to establish your ultimate goodness?

But even beyond the medical issue, does anyone really think that Joseph wouldn’t have wanted to have sex with his wife? I mean, think about it. You’re dating this woman, going to get married, and then you find her pregnant with the son of God, something you had nothing to do with. So, you swallow your pride, you see how important this is, and roll with it. But then, afterwards, wouldn’t you want to consummate the marriage? I mean, it would be completely out of the ordinary for them to not have a sexual relationship, so far out of the norm that I find it totally unbelievable. In fact, the whole “son of God” thing is more believable on several orders of magnitude. Another thought I’ve had relates to Mary Magdalene. But, because I want to spare my dear Mother any further discomfort, I’ll hold off on why I think Mary Magdalene was one of the disciples. For now.

Very soon, I’m going over to Lee Abbey, which is another student house in the area. My friend Justin lives there and he invited me to join them for their Christmas feast. It cost £10, but sounds worth it. They start with mulled wine at 130; proceed to a full feast at 2, with coffee and dessert at 330. Justin said last year they have a turkey for every table. Of course, he sometimes has a…questionable relationship with the truth, so I’ll soon find out. Either way, should be a good time.