March Madness

So I have to confess. I didn't post yesterday because I spent most of my day working on my NCAA Tourney picks. It wasn't like I had any work to do, and since I've watched exactly zero college hoops games this year, well, let's just say this is probably my best chance to win ever.

Anyway, I went out with the Prototype on Sunday night. Dinner and a movie. Was this a date? I have no idea whatsoever. I do, however, have to take inner pleasure in the fact that we watched "Hitch", a very enjoyable film about a man (Will Smith) who hitches people up together when they can't seem to do it on their own - which is just a metaphor for his own love failings. Aside from one scene where they couldn't decide between humor and sentiment and ended with neither and the very end in which Will Smith tried to give a Jerry Miguire type speech and instead gave a Jerry Falwell speech (long, incoherent, and only losely affiliated with the topic at hand), I'd say that's a damn funny movie. ANYWAY, it's also damn ironic to be sitting next to a woman that you've labeled the "prototype" and who has been doing nothing but playing with your emotions for the last couple months when the subject of the movie is basically about failed connections - something that is an enduring reality of our relationship. She confuses me.

So I talked to the New Hotness last night. I'm still not sure if I like her, but she did make me laugh a lot, so that's something. We're going out on Wednesday. She's quite playfull (as in she likes to fuck with people) which is...amusing. And she has the most curious sort of accent, imagine Vietnamese accent with British flavour. Very curious. Anyway, I have nothing to lose here, so hopefully we'll have fun.

Real World and her boyfriend broke up. He turned out to be just as nuts as she is. Of course, that's why I thought they were a natural pair, but apparently, too many nuts don't make a gallery - they make bad bar treats. The short of it is, after promising to help her move, he went out and got drunk, then cursed her out and shouted at her for making him do stuff when he didn't want to. Really classy. Then, because that wasn't enough, after she borrowed a duffel bag to get her stuff out of his place, he sent her a text message saying he was going to report her to the police. I guess love is fleeting (aka "chalk it up to bad karma").

Finally, I have to recount a couple tales from the club the other night. After being there an hour, I went to the bar to refresh mine and Smooth Like Butta's drinks. And there at the bar, looking almost exactly the same as in October, was the Dead End (I think that's what I labeled her). She didn't see me and I got the hell out of there. Nothing like running into someone you hooked up with before, only to go out on a proper date with them, to find out that they're dead weight, so you spend the rest of the date looking for the early exit without trying to be rude, but feeling an increasingly strident urge to smack a ho', something that you would never do and forces your hand to get up and go.

Also, when I met the New Hotness, she was with her friend, who Smooth Like Butta' tried to pick up. This is the first time in history I think that I've been successful while he has not. Not only did he crash and burn, but I've since heard that she found him "boring". But it gets better. At one point, the New Hotness (all new girls that I meet will be known as the "new hotness" until an appropriate nickname can be established) went to the toilet and told me to wait with my friends. Smooth Like Butta' told me he would "suck his own d***" if she came back. I guess it just wasn't his night. Good times.

So, in conclusion, if you're a modestly able dancer and you go to the club, always remember, foreigners don't know how to dance worth shit, so they'll always think that you're ready for prime time when you kick it, even though you know full well that if they turned the lights on, you'd barely be adequate to be an American Bandstand fluffer. And that's the beauty of living in a foreign land. Er'body foreign to me.