I'm at a loss...

Ok - this is my 2nd attempt to post. I lost the first one, which is too bad, because I don't know if I can repeat it accurately. But here goes.

I don't even know how to feel about this election. Headlines here say things like "Americans Decide" - they should say "Americans divide". I, and millions of other Americans across the globe, are extremely disheartened today. I don't know how else to put it. This election was supposed to signal a change - a move away from the politics of division and arrogance in favor of reason and thoughtfulness. Instead, we now have four more years of a radical, christian conservative majority that feeds off bigotry, hatred, and division. I seriously don't even want to return to the US anymore. That's how powerfully this has effected me. Instead of celebrating a day of victory, I was forced to explain, again and again, what happened and why to people from all over the world who just can't understand why Americans would chose to stick with a President that has ruined our reputation around the world as well as engaged in extremely risky and poorly thought out policies on every front. I feel like it's Christmas and Santa Claus never came.

A few comments from friends and family that have emailed me with their own hopeless expressions of disheartenment:

"Our country is a discrace."
"I don't even want to talk about it."
"Prepare for the assault."
"America is more conservative than we want it to be."

I feel like I finally understand what Red Sox nation felt when they blew the 7th game of the ALCS to the Yankees last season or when that ball rolled through Buckner's legs in 86. I went to bed thinking that it was a V for Kerry. He had won Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and New Hampshire at that point - all states he had to win (that were all close) if he wanted to win the whole enchilada (mmm, enchiladas). I woke up this morning extremely sleep deprived and slightly hungover and I had a horrible feeling about the election. Sure enough, it was over. The rest of the day was a formality. This feels like the Sports Guys' Stomach Punch level of defeat.

Maximus said, "There was a dream that was Rome...and this is not it. This is not it."

That's how I feel about American right now.

This is not it.

More later when I'm more coherent.